Saturday, September 13, 2008

Chuck's Dinner with Obie

I was imagining what an interview bewteen Charley Gibson and the Messiah would be like after Chuck's hit piece on Sarah. I reckon it would go something like this:

CG: As you know Oh Great One, Americans are longing for change due to the desperate failings of the Bush Administration and the Republicans. Are you for change?

Obie: Charley, I am absolutely for change and against the status quo.

CG: Can you be a little more specific, I don't mean to press you or be completely unfair to you like Fox News and O'Reilly, not to mention radical right radio.

Obie: I'm not just for change Charley, I'm for change you can believe in.

CG: Wow, I'm sure the American people would agree, that's pretty powerful. Is this real change you can believe in or just change you can believe in?

Obie: Charley, I am talking real change that we can all believe in.

CG: It's clear that John McCain's resume cannot stack up to yours. Can you explain to the American why you are so much more qualified to be President?

Obie: Charley, let me give you one example. I give John McCain credit. When his country called, he answered "present" and served in Viet Nam. He then was a prisoner of war and later returned home. Thus, he only voted "present" once in 5 and 1/2 years. In my illustrative career in the Illinois State Senate and US Senate, I voted "present" hundreds of times.

CG: You have had vast experience in your most difficult job as a community organizer where you organized lots and lots of people and faced a lot of pressure.

Obie: Charley, I didn'just organize lots and lots of people. I organized lots, and lots, and lots of people. As you know, it doesn't just take a village to raise a child it takes a community organizer.

CG: That is amazing. I'd like to clear up another misconception about you. Please explain how you were protecting women and children when you voted against the " Born Alive Protection Act".

Obie: Well Charley this was a terrible law designed to enslave women and punish them with living babies. We couldn't have that. Suppose one of these babies had Downs Syndrome, for example. Next thing you know one of these women would try to run for the Vice Presidency. The purpose of my vote was to enable these women to immediately sue their doctors for malpractice in committing abortion. The bill would have appointed John Edwards as their attorney, for a modest fee of course with a referral fee to me, to file the lawsuits against these doctors. In addition Charley, the state would give each of these women a voucher for a free abortion in the future. Yet, the Republicans still acuse me of being against vouchers. Also, my plan would have provided a criminal penalty to any health care provider who tried to save the lives of these babies, or hold and caress them in the short period of time before they died. Anyone who did so, would be subject to civil and criminal penalties for violence against women.

CG: That's amazing. You're protecting women, fighting for kids by supporting vouchers and tough on criminals at the same time.

Obie: I am, and John McCain is not.

CG: Let's talk foreign policy. People say you have no experience, which isn't true being that you're from the South Side of Chicago, is it?

Obie: You're right Charley. I was once community organizing and some Cubs fans from the North side invaded a sports bar in the neighborhood. I called Mayor Daley and had them beaten ands arrested. It was similar to the Russian invasion of Georgia. I'm just glad Jimmy Carter is safe and they didn't get to Jacksonville.I have the number for the UN in my cell phone and I WILL call it if there is ever an international crisis.

CG: These Reublicans with their guilt by assocation attacks. Would you explain your involvement if any with Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright?

Obie: I'm grateful for the opportunity Charley. Bill Ayers may have done a bad thing a long, long time ago. Or at least Republicans think it was a bad thing. I knew him many years later when he was working on education issues. Other than my announcing my state senate candidacy in his house, his financing of my campaign, our vacationing together, hi babysitting my kids, and attending left wing events and rallies with him, I barely know the man.

CG: And of course this alleged bad thing he did if indeed it was a bad thing, was a long, long time ago?

Obie: Actually Charley it was a long, long, long time ago.

CG: That makes these false allegations against you even more ridiculous. What about Rev. Wright?

Obie: Even though I attended his church every week for twenty years. I never heard him say any of these things. Many times when he was speaking, I was out voting "present". Also like Al Gore, I drink a lot of iced tea and would often leave the room when he was speaking to use the bathroom.

CG: Finally, would you explain to the American people why your economic plan is superior to John McCain's?

Obie: Sure, I am for prosperity and against poverty and John McCain isn't.

CG: So this talk about your raising taxes is nonsense, isn't it?

Obie: Absolutely Charley. The Republicans may call it raising taxes, but I call it investing in America. Why shouldn't Americans who work, fully support those who lay around and collect welfare. It's all about equality and the American dream. Look at my poor wife and I. We both had Ivy League educations and we had to pay for them through student loans. Imagine that. This terrible burden should have been shared by all Americans. It's very similar to the way millions volunteered to help thier fellow citizens in the aftermath of Gustav.

CG: Speaking of Gustav. You would never direct a hurrican to hit a city with a large minority population and then not lift a finger to help them afterward the Bush did in Katrina, would you?

Obie: Absoutely not Charley. And that brings me to another point. This rapid response to Gustav by the President and the thorough preparation and management of the crisis by Gov. Jindahl was nothing more than a Republican plot to help John McCain get elected.

CG: Amen. Thank you for your time my Lord, er Your Excellency, er Mr. President, I mean Senator.

Obie: Thanks Charley. Man, Am I glad to be getting off the hot seat.